do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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