hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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