I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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