Where did you get a picture of my penis
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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