i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize