who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
