Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
