I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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