Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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