Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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