At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
