The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
