just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
