He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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