i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
