she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I want to be your penis for a week.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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