No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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