you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
