shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
