WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
