I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
