I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
