He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
