I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
