Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
