I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
