Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
