if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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