Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
