no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
