I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
