it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
