I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
