My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
