Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
