I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
