oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
