I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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