I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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