Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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