Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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