I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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