**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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