last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
