I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
