So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
