I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
