We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
