were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
