I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
