Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
