Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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