Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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