you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
