One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
