Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He better not be in your backpack
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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