Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
