He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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