New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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