If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
