Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
