I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
