She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
