I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize