I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
