My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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