my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
