gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
