yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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