Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
