508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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