I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
