So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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