the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
