This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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