i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
