When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
