You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
