dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize
