The best revenge is premature balding
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize