so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
