she was so not down for the gang bang
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
