I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
