i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
