So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
