I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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